Charlie and Will sprung apart. "Shit!" Charlie said, getting up and pacing around his room. Will looked horrified and sat curled up in a ball on the bed. Charlie took a deep breath, pulling himself together. "It’s probably fine. He probably didn't see anything." He sat back down on the keyboard chair, trying to calm himself even more.

Liam was pacing outside Charlie's room. No! He was fantasizing; Charlie wouldn't kiss a boy, right? Maybe he had been whispering something into the other boy's ear and it only looked like he had kissed him from where Liam had been standing? Nothing to worry about at all. Liam count slowly to ten then knocked.

Charlie ran to the door, opening it and yanking Liam in in a matter of seconds. "What do you want?" He said really quickly. He didn't want to sound harsh, but he was scared to death. Will sat on the bed looking horribly awkward. Charlie took a deep breath. "Sorry, did you need something Liam?"

"Erm, er, well," Liam stammered, "I wanted to talk to you, but it can wait. Tell me when your friend's gone, we'll talk then. Sorry, didn't know you had a visitor, didn't want to interrupt you." Liam said, though he wasn't sure if Charlie would believe him since - normally - Liam loved to annoy Charlie by being an arse whenever Charlie had friends over.

Terror struck deep in Charlie's heart. He grabbed Liam's arm. "What did you see Liam?" He couldn't let his brother go into the kitchen and tell his mum -- even though in his sensible mind Charlie would have realized Liam never told his mum anything-- what he'd seen. "Liam, seriously. What did you see?"

"Huh?" Liam looked confused at Charlie until he got what his brother was talking about. "What the...? Do you...? I mean... did you actually kiss that guy?!" Because why else would Charlie want to know what he had seen?

Charlie's heart plummeted to his feet. He bit his lip, feeling tears about to come. He was screwed. Liam would hold this over him for eternity, and he'd never be allowed back in the church or school again. But there was no point denying it. He nodded slowly, meeting Liam's eyes for only a moment before ducking his head again.

Liam shrugged. Now he had something to blackmail Charlie with; maybe he could need that someday. But now he didn't see any reason for doing so. "Well, you know what Mum and Dad and your church think of fags. But it's your life. Just don't do crap or I'll tell them. See you later." he said with a slight grin and turned away.

Charlie grabbed Liam's arm with a force unknown to his little body. "Liam, no." He held him fast and hard. "Please Liam. Come on, you know this isn't funny." Charlie's eyes stared into his brothers. Usually there was nothing Charlie couldn't ask for if he used the right amount of begging and puppy eyes. He just really hoped it worked this time. "Please."

Liam sighed and looked away from his brother. Those puppy eyes were the worst thing ever, they always made him melt no matter how hard he tried to resist. "Do you actually think I'd really do that? Hell, Charlie, you could do the same thing you know? There's too much you could tell them about me."

Charlie led Liam to the bed so he could sit down. "Li, this is Will. Will, my brother." He felt really nervous. "We were just... practicing..." Charlie half lied, biting his lip.

"Hey." Liam said to Will, and then looked at Charlie. "I don't care why you did that, but practicing is okay. I also did that when I was your age." Liam confessed. "Only I did it with Eileen, our cousin." he added with a smirk.

"LIAM! That’s disgusting! She's family!" Charlie laughed, feigning horror. "Plus she's got acne!" He pushed Liam playfully on the arm. "You're sick. And you smell like weed."

"Oh ho, how come?" Liam teased. "And family's still better than guys, don't you think?" he added, being the arse he always was. "With or without acne."

Charlie blushed. "I don't mind guys... plus Will's a lot better looking than our cousin." He looked at his friend, winking and giggling. He felt embarrassed by the blush, but considering the circumstances, things could be worse.

"Well," Liam said, dropping onto the bed between Charlie and Will, lounging as if it was his room, "at least Eileen’s female. I think fags are disgusting."

Charlie's stomach dropped, and he felt the horrible hollowness of despair. He looked at Will, and saw the same expression on his face. His friend stood up and announced that he should probably leave; he had to be home before dinner. He wouldn't really meet Charlie's eyes until Charlie said "I'll walk you part of the way." Will nodded, and they both bid Liam farewell and walked out of the room.

Liam didn't have any bad conscious. He was the black sheep of the family, so why should he act any better? And anyway, why would they be offended, they were practicing... Charlie the choirboy was still straight, right? Liam picked up Charlie's guitar and laid onto his brother's bed, pretending to play, though he had no idea of how.

Charlie must have apologized for his brother about 5 billion times before they reached the halfway point. "I don't hate gay people, he's just weird." He tried, reaching for Will's hand. "And I really like you." Will smiled half heartedly, looking around before placing a really quick kiss on Charlie's lips and turning to run home, shouting goodbye into the air.

Liam knew exactly how much Charlie hated if he stayed in his room if he, Charlie, wasn't there. And that was why he stayed. He was in a mood to just piss Charlie off, he didn't know why though, because actually he had come to apologize and ask Charlie to teach him to play the guitar.

Charlie walked back, hands in his pockets, song in his head. He felt good. He had gained major ground today. His first kiss. He thought back to Liam. He was gonna kill him. There was no way that was fair. He was actually going to murder him slowly.

Liam wondered exactly how angry Charlie would be. Charlie always seemed to want to be very angry but something always held him back, made him forgiving - maybe it was the catholic education which definitely failed on Liam.

Charlie hurried home, storming to his room. He growled to see Liam there, and once more, touching his guitar. "Gimme that, you asshole." He said, ripping the guitar from his brother's arms. "You've untuned it and everything." He wanted to be really angry. But something stopped him, like always. "What do you want, Liam?" He said exasperatedly

Liam was smirking smugly. Exactly what he had thought, angry, but still not angry enough. "Teach me." He said making a movement towards the guitar his brother had grabbed back.

"Teach you what, how to kiss? Didn't you practice enough with Eileen??" Charlie joked, tuning his guitar back up. His anger advanced just a bit more.

"Maybe I didn't." Liam said, sitting up, watching Charlie tuning his guitar. "But actually I meant the guitar."

Charlie looked at his brother, aghast. "You? Play the guitar? Liam, please." He said, shaking his head. "To play the guitar takes time, practice, and devotion. Three things I know you're not willing to give." He ran his fingers over the strings, playing the beginning of "Magic Bus" by the Who.

Liam didn't reply on that. He had been willing, and even he had feelings. He took a deep breath and got up. "'kay, thanks." he said finally, leaving the room.

"Shit." Charlie said, putting the guitar down. "LIAM!" He called, trying to sound forgiving. "I'll teach you if you're really willing to try hard."

Liam stood in the open door and looked back. Slowly he shook his head. "Sorry for bothering you. I don't need you doing it because you pity me, though."

"You're such a tosser, you know that? If you want to learn than say it, I'm not going to beg you to learn." Charlie's anger raised another notch. Why did Liam do this to him? Why was this possibly fun?

"I do want to learn, but if you don't want to teach me that's okay." Why was Charlie being angry at him now? Because Liam had turned down Charlie's offer to teach him? It hadn't been honest, had it? Charlie had made it because he felt guilty when Liam left. No, Liam definitely didn't need his brother's pity!

"Fine, I don't want to teach you right now. Ask me on a better day." Charlie said, shutting his door. He hit his head against it a couple of times before collapsing on his bed. God he hated life right now.

Liam felt horrible. What's going on today was all just wrong. He went back into his room. sitting down onto his bed he thought about how to get things back to be better.

Charlie rolled over on his bed. He wanted to go to sleep but he wasn't tired. So he just stared out his window at the blank back yard and a couple of screaming 4 year olds. He wanted to cry, but he was 12. 12-year-olds didn't cry. So he just picked up his guitar again and started plucking away at random strings, finding new tunes.

There it was again, the moment when something decent to distract him would have been the right thing. Liam was about to go nuts with all the thoughts stuck in his head and no way to get it sorted out, except maybe some more alcohol and weed...

As Charlie played, tears fell onto his guitar. The intensity of music and life always seemed to make him open up, to feel. It made him feel weak, sometimes, but not today. Today he felt he had a right to his emotions. He played harder and louder, letting the music raise the hairs on the back of his neck.

Liam heard Charlie play. He knew that this should be something he should be able to do too, express his emotions in some way. Maybe he could at least try to get them into words? He went to his desk to get some paper and pen and started to right. He wasn't sure what he was writing in the first place, but it turned out to be a letter to Charlie.

A half an hour passed, and he finally put the guitar down. He curled into a ball on his bed, just breathing. He had no more tears, but he wasn't really angry anymore either. He was just... there.

Liam read the letter again.
"Sorry for being who and how I am. I know you deserve better, but I can't really change it. It's nothing about you in fact, it's just that mum and dad piss me off and they're stronger than me, and you're weaker, so I think that's why I always pick on you. I'm sorry.
I wanted you to teach me how to play the guitar, because I wanted you to make me better, but I turned out only worse."
It was crap... Liam clenched the paper and tossed it against the wall.

Charlie just sat there, breathing. So much could happen so quickly. It was just overwhelming. Should he apologize to Liam? He hadn't really done anything wrong, but still.

Liam got up and went out of his room, accidentally kicking the paper into the hall, heading for the living room to watch some telly. Maybe that could distract him without intoxicating him.

He had no idea how long he sat there, but eventually, he had to get up and take a pee. He shuffled into the hallway, glaring at Liam's door as he went into the bathroom. He pissed, washed his hands, and went into the kitchen, grabbing a coke and a bag of crisps. As he went back into his room, he saw a crumpled piece of paper. He read one word on it; Charlie. Looking sideways, he grabbed it and brought it into his room.

Watching telly was an easy distraction. You could shut out anything else and didn't have to think much. And with the right choice of boring, brainless show you could also fall asleep easily. It still wasn't really decent, but it was okay.

"Dear Charlie..."
He read his brother's handwriting out loud, popping the coke. Charlie smiled. It was just like his brother. He read it through a few more times before folding it and putting it beside his bed.

When Liam heard his dad's key in the door he turned off the tv and trotted back to his room, waiting for his mum calling them for dinner. Sometimes he could keep out of mischief - if he wanted to, which most of the times was when he wanted to get less trouble.

Charlie smiled. He picked up his pen and notebook and wrote a simple phrase. He folded the paper and grabbed a piece of tape, creeping into the hall and taping the note to Liam's door.
No worries mate was all it said.

When he heard their mum call them, he waited until he heard Charlie leaving his room. Even in his "being good" mood he didn't need/want to be the first. When he opened his door he recognized something that didn't belong there; with Charlie's handwriting on it. Liam read it and was confused, what was that about?? Then a little panic struck him and he scanned his floor. There was no more crumbled paper. How did Charlie get it? he would never get in without asking. He put the little paper into his pocket and went to the dining room.

Charlie helped his mum bring the food to the table before sitting in his seat on the long end of the kitchen table. He jiggled in his seat a little, a habit he'd picked up a long time ago, and waited for everyone else to be seated. He didn't meet Liam's eyes, slyly avoiding them as his mum called for grace to be said.

Liam waited until his mum had said her grace and mumbled his scarcely audible Amen, before he kicked Charlie's shin. Well, not really kicked, just slightly put his foot against it to make him look at him. Then he slipped the piece of paper at his brother looking at him in the most confused way.

Charlie just shrugged, looking at his brother only briefly before eating his food, eyes on the plate. He smiled, knowing he had completely confused his brother this time.

Liam slightly shook his head and started picking in his food. Charlie was really being the most confusing guy ever. Maybe he could ask him about it later, after dinner.

Charlie found he couldn't look at his parents. He felt dirty. He knew that if they knew what he'd been doing, he'd be cast out, even at only 12. So he kept his head down, refraining from communication with the two of them. Instead, he periodically kicked Liam, just to mess around.

Liam was about to get mad at Charlie. But he didn't want to cause a row at dinner, especially since his parents would sure believe he started it and it was all his fault. And seen from a kinder perspective, it was a good sign Charlie was messing around with him.

Charlie smiled as he lifted his fork to his mouth. He loved being a brat sometimes. He cleaned about a third of his plate, then excused himself, saying he was tired and not feeling all that well. He took his plate to the sink then darted into his room, leaving Liam alone with their parents.

Liam hated being alone with his parents. He felt awfully awkward right now and wanted to kill Charlie for doing that to him. He finished his plate quickly and repeated Charlie's actions before returning to his room.

Charlie smiled, picking up a book. He didn't really read, just flipped through a few random pages. Something about a boy who wanted to get a girl, but the girl didn't like him or something. He honestly wasn't interested.

Liam waited some minutes before knocking on the wall separating his and Charlie's rooms. He wanted Charlie to tell him what the ... the slip of paper was about.

"Yeah?" Charlie asked. "If you want to talk, come in here!" He yelled.

"Aaargh." Liam was sure Charlie knew exactly how awkward he felt after a day like that returning to Charlie's room, leaving the safety of his own. Nonetheless he went to Charlie's. He wanted to talk, not Charlie, so he had to.

Charlie laid completely splayed out on his bed, looking like something ready for dissection. He didn't even look at Liam, he just stared at the ceiling like a dead thing.

Liam hated when Charlie was obviously ignoring him, although he told him to come over to talk. Liam sat down on the floor. "What was that note about?" he asked.

Charlie lolled his head to look at his brother. "What was your note about? you sent the first one.."

Liam looked at Charlie with huge eyes and a slightly open mouth. "I didn't send it. I threw it away. How did you get it?"

"The hallway is not your trashcan Liam." Charlie said, laughing. "That’s where I found it, at least."

"Oh!" At least that explained how Charlie got the note without going into Liam's room. "Well, but didn't it say what it was about? What else do you want to know?"

Charlie turned over, finally meeting Liam's eyes. "Why my big bad evil mean brother feels the need to apologize to" Charlie put on a pathetic voice "poor wittle Charwie!" He said.

Liam didn't know the answer. He really didn't, the letter only had turned out to be what it was, there wasn't much intention. At least consciously. He shrugged. "Maybe..." he sighed "I don't know." he admitted and as about to get up and leave again.

Charlie smiled, expecting this response. Just as Liam reached the door, he said quietly, "Liam?" when his brother responded to being called, Charlie added, "Thanks."

Liam didn't know what to answer. He didn't even know what Charlie was thanking him for, but he wouldn't ask. He shrugged, smiling softly and muttering a low "You're welcome."

"That day was the turning point for me. I came to realize certain things that normally wouldn't have sprung out at my quite so graphically. I knew that Liam and I weren't on the same page, first off. I knew I couldn't tell him certain things, that I never would.
Will came out to his family when he was 18. Instead of embracing him and being there for him, his parents disowned him. I'd just rented my first flat (I'd just turned 18 as well) and he moved in with me, helping me pay the rent, and we were there for each other. It was then that I knew I couldn't never come out to my family. Will's parents were very liberal and very accepting people. Mine weren't. There was no way they'd have been supportive of me. Especially Liam. I'd never be able to do that."

~Charlie