Liam couldn't forgive himself. It was the worst thing he had ever done. It was so much worse then destroying the band as he did by ruining that commercial back then. It was worse then breaking Charlie's guitar in their very early days of the band. It was the worst thing ever. He dragged himself into Charlie's flat and dropped onto the sofa. "Karen kicked me out." he said when his brother stared askingly at him.

When Liam's words hit Charlie, his immediate instinct was one word: beer. He ran to the fridge, getting out two beers out of it before sitting next to his brother. "What happened?" He asked, reaching to hold his hand nervously.

Liam just stared at nothing. "She thinks I'm dangerous." His voice was thick and he felt like the whole world had crushed down on him. "Because I dropped her." he said as Charlie asked for the reason. He sobbed. This was ridiculous. He was a grown man, bloody hell. But he couldn't help it. "I dropped Meghan."

Charlie breathed out a horrified "oh". Holding onto his brother tighter. "I'm so sorry Liam. But we'll get through this." He hugged him closer, wanting to give him as much comfort as possible. In his head, questions raced. Was Meghan hurt? If so, how badly? But it wasn't the time for those questions. Now he just had to comfort his big brother, who seemed to be crying like a baby. Charlie couldn't blame him though. If he'd have dropped Meghan, he'd have shot himself.

Liam looked at Charlie in disbelief. What was Charlie talking about? Now that he had been kicked out he was without a sodding quid. Their CD wasn't sold or played as much as it used to be which meant there weren't much royailties anymore. And he didn't have a job. He had learned nothing. "Yeah? How's that?" he asked Charlie.

Charlie finally cracked a smile. "Well... I'm writing again. I've got a new song." He clapped Liam on the back, rising and going to his piano. His beloved piano. The thing he loved more than anything in the world. His one happy memory from childhood, and had made such an impact on his life. "It’s about two brothers"

Liam laughed snidely. There were better things one could write about than two brothers. Especially two brothers who where addicts. But when Charlie began to play and sing he absolutely caught Liam's attention. Liam rose to sit next to Charlie at the piano.

Charlie's voice rang clear, and though not strong, it had feeling. The words were strong though, and soared around the room. He knew this song was meaningful to the both of them. He played the piano with zeal, smiling at his brother, knowing that it'd improve his mood, at least moderately.

Liam looked at Charlie, his face lighting up more and more. It was great. The lyrics alone had such a deep meaning and his little brother was deepening it with the tune and with his voice so much, it was unbelievable. Liam got so infected by Charlie's pride about that new song that he sang the last line with him. "Nice, man!" he finally said.

Charlie grinned at his brothers praise, praise that seemed to be rarer to date. He bounced a little in his seat. "So we can do this then?" He was excited. It'd been so long since he and his brother had gotten together to just write music.

Liam smiled at his brother. "This could work. We can make it work." He was getting excited, his sorrow nearly forgotten. "Write all night. Just like the old days!"

Charlie reached next to him to grab a sheaf of papers, all lined with musical bars, and a pen. "This is gonna be great!" He said, he tried to rise, but something stopped him. He looked over his shoulder, seeing Liam's gaze, sensing a question in his eyes.

Liam looked at his brother and swallowed very slightly, barely visible. "So," he said "baby brother, you got any?"

Charlie's eyebrows lowered. "No." He said firmly. "I've been trying to cut back. Don't keep any around here lately." He walked off. Always with the drugs. Always. With Liam, it was always about the bloody drugs.

Liam frowned dropping his head in his hands. Then he got up. "Charlie, calm down!" he said, walking after his brother.

Charlie went to the kitchen, pulling out the first random food in it, which just happened to be a carrot. He rolled his eyes, before taking a huge bite, meeting Liam's eyes. "Yesh?" he said, sending pieces of carrot flying.

Liam stepped back. Charlie made the impression as if he'd bite him any moment. "Ey!" Liam threw up his arms in defence. "You act like you'd never use it." Liam rolled his eyes.

"Haven't in 4 days" Charlie said matter-of-factly. He took another bite of the carrot. He felt fine, really. Well almost.

Liam sighed. His baby brother always seemed to make it far better than him for days without any stuff. But he himself was just one big disappointment. He went back to the sofa and sat down, and took a sip of his beer. "Can I stay, Charlie? Have nowhere else to go. And..." he smiled and tried to find his brother's eyes. "We wanted to write anyway."

Charlie softened immediately. "Of course you can stay, you idiot. Your not going to wander the street alone at night. You'd get raped!" He walked resignedly over to the couch. "I'm just saying if you want a hit, go to the bar a block down and meet Mike, he'll give you some."

Liam ran his hand over his eyes. "No. No, I'm fine." Charlie's idea of going to the bar sounded nice for Liam, but he didn't want to disappoint Charlie. As if this one time could help Liam to make up for all the disappointment he caused before.

Charlie stood over Liam, taking him by the hands and standing him up. "Go." He said simply. He knew Liam needed it, especially tonight. He was a wreck. He could get some help this way, even if it meant Charlie would write most of the music alone.

Liam looked into Charlie's eyes. "Charlie, no, I" Liam started, but the look in Charlie's eyes said that he meant it. And that he didn't mean it because he was sullen, but because he was worried. "Fine, but," he smirked a bit "What if I get raped on the way to the bar?"

"You'll enjoy it." Charlie laughed, sending Liam out the door with directions to the pub. As his brother left, he turned around in his flat, running his hands through his hair. "Writing... yeah, gotta get writing." He pulled up the desk next to the piano, putting paper on it, and putting the tuner next to his guitar case. He was all ready.

Liam knew he needed his hit. He felt miserable. How else could you feel after dropping your biggest love? Liam was just glad he was injured. He had been lucky. But what if he hadn't been lucky? Liam tried not to think about that.

Charlie sat on the couch to wait for Liam, allowing himself to doze a little, because when he did, musical notes flowed freely through his mind. He didn't know if he really did have a gift, like everyone said, but music just came as a second nature to him, or even a first. It was part of him.

Liam got his hit, and even two beers, before he went back to Charlie's. He was glad he had Charlie. He was Liam's anchor, though maybe Liam would never admit that to Charlie. When he got back Charlie was on the couch, dozing. Liam ruffled Charlie's hair. "Am back baby brother."

Charlie awoke with a start, sitting up abruptly and looking around wildly, arms flailing, before glaring at Liam. "That was rude." He said, with a hint of joking in his voice. "Maybe I should just keep sleeping and leave you to save the band." He then settled back down on the couch, closing his eyes contently.

Liam snorted. "Are you going mad, Charlie? Do want to save it or flush it down the toilet completely? You can't have me do that alone! Move your ass! You can sleep later!!!" He sat down at they piano and intentionally played some atonal chords.

Charlie grimaced as his piano was abused. "OK! OK ok, lets do this thing, leave my baby alone." He stood up, pushing Liam away from the piano before caressing it, saying "Did he hurt you, my love? I'll kick his sodding arse if he did…"

Liam rolled his eyes grinning. "It's fine! But thank you Charlie, my ego just needed that reminder." he frowned and sat down on the chair he had put next to Charlie's earlier that evening.

Charlie stopped stroking his piano, facing his brother. "What's that supposed to mean?" He sat down at the piano, pulling up the sheet music for the song he'd been writing, and faced Liam. "We're doing this together, no?"

Liam slightly shook his head. "Forget it. I just had enough of hurting someone today, okay?" Then he forced himself to smile a bit. "And hell yes, we're doing that together."

Charlie leaned over, hugging his brother tightly. "Its gonna be ok Liam. Everything's gonna work itself out. Karen will forgive you, and you'll go back to being the wonderful dad we all know you can be." He held Liam's eyes, showing with all his might that he knew he was right in this matter. "Its going to be ok." He said finally, before starting to let his fingers move over the keys.

Liam enjoyed Charlie's hug. "I hope you're right. I couldn't stand if you weren't." Liam listened carefully as Charlie just played what came out off his fingers. "Stop. Stop, do that again, that didn't sound bad." he told him at one point.

Charlie stopped, retracing his steps, moving across the same keys as before. Liam was right, it didn't sound bad, but it could sound better. He tried it three different times, messing around before he found something that sounded right. "How’s this instead?" He said, playing the keys softly.

Liam tilted his head. "Yes. Yes sounds good." He hummed what Charlie had played. "Yes... Hmmm, nice." He drummed his fingers on his knee. "Got another pen for me?"

Charlie leaned forward, pulling a pen out of his back pocket and handing it to Liam. He sketched in the few notes on his own sheet, repeating them so that Liam could do the same. Liam would then take that sheet of notes and figure out what sounded good on guitar or bass, and Charlie would figure out drums and whatever Liam didn't pick. They'd both figure out lyrics together. "So you like that? Its pretty nice and simple, but with a meaningful tone, yeah?"

Liam hadn't known how much he had missed it to sit together with Charlie writing a new song. Music hadn't been the thing that kept them together for long. For long it had only been the drugs. But right now it felt like scarcely anything had changed. "Yes, I like that." He told his brother.

Charlie moved on, letting his mind put notes together, fixing a tune in his head and letting it flow to the piano, vibrating out and creating rich sound. Every couple tries, he'd find something he liked, and he'd play it back for Liam. He didn't know if this was how other musicians worked, but the words came easiest this way.

Liam listened carefully, all the time already thinking about how to turn it into guitar and bass chords. After a while he got up looking for Charlie's guitar. Since the last time they had been on stage it wasn't being used - at least not very often. After he had found it he sat on the couch where he would have more space. "Charlie, could you please give me an E to tune that old fellow?"

Charlie hit E, holding it so the sound would carry. He smiled to see his brother tuning his guitar. That wasn't his original one, the one he'd bought for himself after Liam had broken his first one. Liam had bought that for him one day a couple years ago, for his birthday, even though his birthday was no where near the date he'd gotten it. It was really special to him, though, and he always kept it close.

Liam tuned the first string and by that one went on to the next string. He hadn't done it in ages so when he had tuned the A he asked Charlie to play one on the Piano to be on the safe side.

Charlie played each note Liam called, cringing at how out of tune his guitar was. He'd been focusing on the bass lately, since Liam had kind of asked him to play that for a while, so he hadn't gotten around to playing it for a while. "Flat. He's too flat."

Liam played the note again. "Oh, yeah, sorry." He finished to tune it and played some chords. "Sounds like he's back to life." Liam grinned and sat down the guitar for a moment to get his notes.

"Ok, so where do we want to start?" He started playing randomly, hands skipping from Mozart to Coldplay, mixing songs randomly. "From the top?"

"Let's start with the part you played me earlier. Have you already decided what you want it to be? Chorus?" Liam asked Charlie while playing some of the chords he had thought of.

"I was thinking that would be somewhere in the middle, but I'm not sure if its the chorus. I had an idea for the chorus, more about rain than about the feelings and stuff. Don't want to get too mushy. More artistic that way." Charlie mused. "what do you think?"

"Rain... Yeah, well sounds like an idea to me. I think that might work." Liam admitted. He scribbled down some words, just like a brain-storming, nothing making sense for anyone else.

"Its just a theory, we don't have to go with it straight away." He played a few more notes. "I was thinking a little farther away from Emo, back to more basic Beatles this track. What do you think?"

Liam laid his arms on the guitar and his chin upon them. "Well. What's it with your Beatles? Why not, let's say, Oasis? Or as a compromise just be ourselves?" Liam didn't really want to contradict. Charlie always did great jobs with his songs. But they were writing together and Charlie had asked for Liam's opinion.

"Because the Beatles, my poor naive brother, are the best thing to happen to music since the electric guitar. They are quite possibly, the most influential band in all of Music history, and I don't see why we should compromise ourselves to try to be any less than we can. I say, shoot for the stars, if you miss, you'll land among the clouds anyways." Charlie said poetically, chin in the air. It wasn't about fame for him, but he wouldn't mind being in music history.

Liam grinned broadly. "Aren't you getting a bit presumptuous?" He sat upright again. "But I agree. Let's shoot for the stars baby brother!" He said with a wink.

"Plus!" Charlie declared defiantly. "John Lennon did some of his best work under the influence of drugs! Now, I did some of our worst works under the influence of drugs, but who knows?" Truth be told, Charlie wasn't under anything now. He'd spoken the truth, though exaggerated just a bit. He had been clean for 3 days, not four. And he was jittery as fuck. He just needed to get through tonight, and he should be fine. But already he felt nauseas. Even though the thought made his stomach roll, he asked, "Want to order some Thai or something?"

Liam didn't feel hungry, but they still had a night ahead of them and maybe if he said yes then Charlie would eat something too and he definitely should eat more than he did. "Well, then maybe we can do our new good work under the influence of Thai. So, yes."

Charlie handed Liam the number to the Thai place. He went over to the piano again, beginning to play bits. "Just get me what your getting. I'm not that hungry." He said. "You finally see me standing here." He sang a bit, testing his voice in different places. "High or low?" He asked Liam.

Liam hummed the part several times in different pitches. "Well, depends," he said, "Whether it's me or you who's singing, I liked it ho you had it, but I think you could do it higher." Then he went for phone, dialled the number of the Thai place and ordered their food.

Charlie cringed. "Higher? I'm already cracking my voice as it is!" He said. "You do the high tones, I'll stick with the lower ones. My voice is lower than yours anyway." He smirked.

Liam sat back on the sofa after ending the call. "Okay, stick with the lower ones," He grinned, "Shall we try together in high and low? Or do you want it to be sung by either of us?"

Charlie pondered this for a moment, before saying "I think alternating would be interesting. Weaving in and out of each other. I think that'd be really cool. Like a braid. You know?"
He could never describe what he wanted. Usually Liam got it though.

Liam scratched his head. "Er, yeah, I think I know." he said. "Sounds interesting, but I think it'll really take some time and practice, don't you?"

"Well... yeah, but so does everything!" Charlie bounced like a child at his piano, getting really quite excited about the whole ordeal. "First we just have to write it!"

"Right!" Liam grinned. "I'd like to try some chords, could you play me conected what you... we have so far?"

Charlie smiled. "Of course brother." He said soundly, playing off what he had. The music flowed through his fingers, putting him into a bit of a trance. When the music was good, Charlie would go into a trance in a matter of seconds. Now, it softly lulled him into a peaceful methodical flow of notes.

Liam listened the first few beats thinking, then he tried some chords playing along with Charlie. He didn't like his result yet, but at least they didn't sound too wrong accompanying the piano. But still it could be better.

Charlie's eyebrows furrowed as Liam played, his mind welcoming the warm sound of the guitar. His mind became a flow of colors, mixing and bending to the sound. He loved music so fucking much. It was better than sex.

Though he hadn't played in ages, he still had enough feeling to not make Charlie cringe at once. He never had the same connection to music as Charlie had it, but he understood what it meant to Charlie. Or more like part of it, because how could he know it wholly if Charlie himself was still far too complex to understand.

Charlie got to the end of where the notes on his page hit. But he didn't stop. He kept going, improvising all the way to the point where he had no idea what he was playing. After a minute or two, he stopped, pulling himself back together.

Charlie got to the end of where the notes on his page hit. But he didn't stop. He kept going, improvising all the way to the point where he had no idea what he was playing. After a minute or two, he stopped, pulling himself back together.

"Not too bad, not too bad." Charlie murmured, almost to himself. He wrote down some more notes, writing quickly and scribbly, in true artist form. "Sounds pretty decent I think..."

“Yeah, it does. We can work with that." he said. He was just about to lay the guitar aside when it rang. "Let's think about the text while we eat, shall we?" he asked as he went to answer the door.

Charlie gulped. "Um... yeah sure." He made sure to bring lots of paper to the table, so maybe he would appear to be too busy to eat. He really didn't want to eat just now. He felt horrible.

Liam set the boxes on the table. "Start! That's an order brother!" he said as he went for the fridge to get a bottle of water and two bottles of beer. "Charlie eat, you know you have to!" he nearly pleaded after he put the bottles on the table. He ruffled his brother's hair and placed a soft kiss on the back of his head.

Charlie scribbled some random words down on the side of his piece of paper. "um... yeah, I'm not that hungry..." He said, humming notes to the next set of lyrics in his head. "What do you think about these?" He said, pushing the parchment towards Liam, not meeting his eye.

Liam grabbed the sheet but didn't look at it yet. He stared at Charlie. His eyes showing worry but also a hint of anger. "Eat something Charlie, please! I won't look at it before you wouldn't eat at least three fork-fuls!"

Charlie glared pointedly. He bit his lip, making a small plate of food for himself. He loaded it with mainly rice before taking chopsticks and digging them around. "But I'm using chopsticks!"

"Makes it about 9 chopsticks-fuls then!" Liam explained. He watched Charlie, he wouldn't let him go away with less. The more Charlie would eat, the better. "It won't kill you! Refusing would!"

Charlie stomach rolled. "Are you bloody serious? I think I'd rather die right now." He picked up a grain of rice, bringing it to his lips and licking it off the tip of the chopstick.

Liam got up and pulled his chair directly next to Charlie. "No, you won't die now." He laid his arm on his brother's shoulders. "Just don't shovel it in, take your time and you'll be fine." He said calmly and pecked his brother on the temple.

He picked up another grain of rice. "This is my second one." He would just keep picking up the bare minimum until Liam said otherwise. After all, Gandhi lived on a grain of rice a day.

"Charlie, Charlie, Charlie," Liam said, shaking his head, "Don't you think one grain per time is a bit too little? Don't make me feed you, you know I'm practiced in feeding." Liam grinned.

Charlie glared, sitting back in his seat, dropping his chopsticks and crossing his arms. "Maybe I should make you work." He said evilly, raising his eyebrows in a 'try me' manner.

Liam chuckled. "Fine!" he picked up Charlie's chopsticks and turned so he could better feed him. "Then would you please open your lovely mouth?" he said picking up some rice - definitely more than one grain.

"No" Charlie said firmly, shutting his mouth instantly, like a mouse trap. He leaned as far away from Liam as he could, putting on an amused but stubborn look.

"You know," Liam grinned, "I think you're too much around Meghan." He set down the chopsticks and got up. He held Charlie by the shoulders, turning him and his chair so he was sitting sidewards to the table and than sat onto Charlie's legs. "'kay, another try."

Charlie just raised an eyebrow, daring Liam to try. He wasn't opening his mouth for anything. He could play this game all night.

Liam raised the chopsticks with rice on them up to Charlie's mouth. He even poked at Charlie's tight closed lips with them, but Charlie wouldn't open them. "Stop playing stupid Charlie!" Liam tried, but it wouldn't help. He had to take other measures to make Charlie open his mouth. Without any warning he kissed Charlie.

Despite the instinct to open his mouth, Charlie kept it closed. He fought off Liam’s pressing lips as long as he could. He blew air annoyedly out of his nose, before opening his mouth just enough to bite down on Liam's lip hard before snapping back closed again.

Liam pulled back staring at Charlie nearly shocked. His brother had never bit him so it hurt - save when he was about one or two years old and NOW. He got up, saying nothing, just glaring. He took the sheet with Charlie's notes and went back to the couch leaving Charlie alone with the food.

Charlie began to write again, glaring after Liam. Because Liam had stolen the papers, Charlie just wrote on the table. "We could totally sell this for a ton of money if it had our original lyrics on it." He knew he was being cheeky, but he couldn't even look at the food, much less eat it. "Sorry Liam."

Liam read Charlie's notes for the lyrics. It was great. It really was. But he wouldn't admit that. Not now. Now he was in his I'm-really-pissed mood. He laid the papers back on the table, not looking at and not talking to Charlie. Then he picked up the guitar and played.

"Shit." Charlie murmured, grabbing a chopstick of broccoli and chicken and eating it quickly before walking into his bedroom, flopping resignedly on the bed. Why did he always fuck things up?

Liam just played what came to his mind, he wasn't searching for chords for the new song right now, he couldn't concentrate on that. But he recognized he was actually playing a song. It was one of he very first songs Charlie had ever taught him to play on the guitar. He kept playing it and at first he hummed the melody along - he wouldn't have thought he'd remember the words after ages of not caring about it but then the words just kind of slipped out of his mouth: "Living is easy with eyes closed Misunderstanding all you see It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out It doesn't matter much to me"

Charlie smiled when he heard the familiar lyrics floating through the door. His smile was sad, but it was there. The song reminded him of the old days, the happy days, before any of this. He ran his hand over his tattoo. Living really was easy with eyes closed.

Liam played the whole song, seriously surprised he remembered the whole lyrics. After he ended it he felt better. It weird, but he really did. And he felt sorry for what he had to Charlie before. Sighing he laid the guitar down and went to look for his brother. Leaning against the wall looking at Charlie lying on his bed he whispered: "I'm sorry Charlie, I didn't mean to hurt you."

Charlie lifted his head, smiling. Slowly he stood up, walking over to Liam, kissing him softly on the lips before grabbing his hand and leading him to bed. "It’s ok, love. We hurt the ones we love most."

With his kiss Charlie had caught Liam quite off guard. But still - or was it exactly why? - he followed Charlie to the bed. "But we shouldn't." he answered. Especially not all three of them in one day! he added in his mind.

Charlie shook his head. "Why not? We all make mistakes, its not in us to know when or why." He laid on the bed, letting himself relax. "Its just fate"

"Nice fate, really nice." Liam sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure if he really should join Charlie. He could still sleep on the couch.

Charlie patted the bed next to him, leaving the invitation open. "We don't have to do anything, Liam. It’s been a fucked up day." He said, rolling himself in the covers. "I'm knackered anyways."

Liam kicked off his shoes and crawled under the covers too. Charlie was right, it had been a fucked up day. And Liam felt quite knackered too. He just stroke Charlie's cheek and kissed him softly. "Just... hold me?"

Smiling, Charlie happily obliged. Wrapping his arms tightly around Liam, he pulled him close, holding him, cradling him. He loved this feeling, this feeling of being needed, of giving comfort. He liked to be needed. Closing his eyes, he started to sing
"There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all"

Listening to Charlie's soothing voice and enjoying being close to his beloved brother Liam slowly drifted off to sleep.