Fix You

His fingers were trembling when he pushed the keys. He knew he couldn’t say anything for his voice would be trembling much more than his body already was. But he needed to hear someone’s voice; to hear his voice. He knew he hadn’t called him in ages. He hadn’t been the best of a friend lately, but on the other hand he hadn’t been called either. They both had a lot of other things going on lately. But that all didn’t matter just now. He needed to hear a friendly voice now. He needed someone he needn’t talk to, but who just understood the importance of feeling someone else’s presence. He tried to swallow his sobs before he pushed the dial button. It took only some seconds before there was an answer on the other end.
“Billeh! Bloody Hell! I haven’t heard from you in weeks! How are you?” Dom’s excitement was indeed audible. Billy didn’t answer. Even if he had wanted to he couldn’t, the huge lump in his throat and his permanent sobs prevented him. Dom waited for his answer for some time.
“Billy, are you okay? What’s up? Billeh!” He finally asked.
Billy shook his head though he knew Dom couldn’t see it. He sobbed and tried to tell Dom he wasn’t okay at all.
“No.” he whispered.
“Billy what happened? What the bloody hell happened? I’ve never seen you like THIS!”
It was right; Even if Billy was really down and needed Dom to be there for him he might have had tears running down his face but never had he been sobbing like this. Not since his father died. So it was quite understandable that Dom was disturbed.
“Billy, is there something I can do for you? Anything?” Dom asked desperately. Billy shook his head no.
“Come over here?” Billy asked without even the tiniest bit of hope. How should Dom do that? He was to be in Hawaii.
“Billy, see I,” Dom began.
“It’s okay Dom! Forget that I even thought about it.” Billy felt stupid that he had said that aloud. But it was still better than asking him to make dead people alive again. He would have hung up embarrassed if Dom’s voice hadn’t been so comforting to hear.
Dom was silent for some time, maybe thinking.
“Listen Billy,” Dom said finally, “I would love to come over. And maybe I could even arrange that, but not by telling them you’re crying your heart out on the phone. I need you to tell me the reason for your crying, Bills. I need you to tell me what happened.” Dom said calmly.
“Alison.” Billy sobbed. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Dom everything. At least not just yet.
Billy could tell Dom had swallowed hard trying not to think the worst; although – if Billy had told him he’d knew – it was the worst.
“She left you?” Dom asked his voice a bit trembling with fear.
“Kind of…” Billy replied truthfully. He breathed deeply before he added: “She’s dead.”
Dom gasped.
“No! No way! But how? God, Billy, I’m so sorry! What happened? How did she… God Bills, I’m so sorry! When did it happen?” You could tell Dom was in a bit of a shock. And he was nearly crying himself.
Billy felt awkward for he was talking about it for the first time and still he felt he could do it; maybe he couldn’t have done it if it was another person, but this was Dom. He felt good around Dom and that even applied for phone calls.
“It was… this… this afternoon. It was an accident… a car accident…” There were audible pauses when Billy sighed or swallowed tears. “They said… she didn’t have to suffer. She’s been dead at once.”
“Have you been with her?” Dom asked low-voiced.
Billy was shaking his head.
“No, I’ve been at home. She’s been on her way to the dancing school.”
“Oh fuck. Who’d tell you? Police?” Dom asked.
“Police, yes. And her colleague called, too.” Billy replied. “Dom, I can’t take that. I don’t see why I should go on. Nothing’s making sense anymore.”
“Billy, stop that! You’re in shock; you don’t know what you’re talking about. You have friends who still love you. Ali wouldn’t want you to give up everything. You will go on for her, alright? You know that she would want you to! And I want you to go on too!” Dom made a pause to let his words sink in. “Listen,” he went on, “I’ll do my best to get to you as soon as possible. And you don’t dare to do anything stupid in the meantime! If you do I’ll kill you!” Dom threatened.
Billy didn’t react. Or he did, but only by sighing.
“Billy? Promise? Please!” Dom pleaded.
“I promise.” Billy said half-heartedly.
Dom sighed, but he didn’t go on trying to make Billy say it more convinced.
“Have you told anyone else yet? Her parents? Maggie?” Dom asked instead.
“No. But they said they’d informed her parents. Actually that’s why they came here in the first place, because her Dad told them to. The police said they didn’t feel able to tell me themselves. But her dad gave them my address.”
“One might think those officers never read newspapers. They could have known they’d have to inform you!”
“Dom, that’s not worth bothering at all!” Billy said calmly. Then he sighed deeply. “Dom, I’m scared of the funeral.”
“Gosh! You don’t have to arrange it, do you? Oh God.”
“I don’t know. I hope I don’t have to. But it isn’t only the arrangement that scares me. I don’t think I can take it.” Billy’s voice was turning back into sobs.
“Okay, Billy, I promise you that I will be there for the funeral latest! Latest! You hear that? But I do my very best to be there sooner!”
“Thank you Dom.” Billy sniffed.
“Hey, I’m you’re best friend! You don’t have to thank me for doing the most natural!”
“Thank you anyway, Dom. I’m glad you’re there.”
“Ey, we promised we’d always be there for one another, right?”
“Right.”
“See.” Dom was smiling, you could hear that. And Billy had a shy smile on his face now too.
“Oh shite.” Dom suddenly muttered. “Bills, I’m so sorry! JJ’s calling, gotta go for the take! I’ll talk to him immediately and I’ll call you again later. Feel hugged!”
“Thanks again. And… call anytime, can’t sleep anyway.”
“Aww Billy! Promise you’ll try at least!”
“Yes, I’ll try Dom. Talk to you later.”
“Right. Bye!”

~~~~

It was hardly two days later when Dom sat in the taxi taking him from the airport to Billy’s. He was just about to put his earphones of the iPod back into his ears after telling the driver where to go when the lyrics of a song playing on the radio caught his attention.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

"Well Billy, that’s what I’m here to do.” Dom thought smiling slightly.